Hello, and welcome to the latest Newsletter. There’s a “slightly” different approach this week. Yeah, Pep may have signed a new contract, but who cares about that?!

No, much more importantly, I have a world exclusive for you. With news that City are moving into producing fictional TV shows, I present to you the script that I have sent them. I think it could be a global hit - my only concern is - is it too far-fetched? You can be the judge. Coming to City+ soon, hopefully.

Episode Title

Men In Black

By Howard Hockin

 FADE IN

INT. LOCATION #2 – HOTEL IN ASHBURTON GROVE - DAY

A hotel curtain billows in the morning breeze, partially obscuring an open window. Through the gap, Big Ben is visible in the background. It is a mild autumnal day, and street chatter can be heard in the background.

The camera pans back.

A man sits on a bed. He looks anxious, and is clearly on edge. He inhales deeply on a Gauloises, and exhales. 

This may all be in black and white, haven't decided yet. 

There is a knock on the door. 

The man jolts.

He rises slowly, cautiously. He stubs out the cigarette in a red and white ashtray, which has a cannon on the side. (show in close up).

Camera lingers on ashtray. Switch to back profile of man.

He faces the door.

MATTHEW SHOTT

The password.

DAVID TROOP

Oliver. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

What is Arsenal’s win percentage under Anthony Taylor? 

DAVID TROOP

53%? 

MATTHEW SHOTT

More precise please.

A pause. 

DAVID TROOP

52.71%. 

The man makes the slightest of nods.

He unlocks the door, and ushers in the man who stands before him. The man is dressed as Gunnersaurus. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

I said disguise yourself but remain conspicuous at all times. 

DAVID TROOP

It’s the perfect disguise. No one knows who I am, and I blended in. You worry too much. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Believe you me, I have every reason to worry. 

DAVID TROOP

Is there any need for all this? 

MATTHEW SHOTT

There is EVERY need. Take a seat. 

David Troop takes off the head of Gunnersaurus, and perches on the edge of the bed. There are no chairs.

Matthew Shott wanders across the room. He gazes out of the window, wistfully, the weight of the world on his shoulders. Football's survival reliant on him, probably. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

I’ve invited you here today because there is no time to lose. In fact, the next 24 hours may be critical. The shareholders are panicking. The news leaking from the tribunal is not good for the old guard. The Americans are threatening to pull out. 

DAVID TROOP

Ok. That’s not good. Not good at all. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

If the Arabs somehow get away with this, we are little more than the kid with his finger in a dam. They will be unstoppable. Let me make this clear about what we are dealing with. They have money, power and influence. Governments under their control. Referees on the payroll. Hundreds of lawyers with extremely punnable names. We’re talking real Big Brother shit. They know if seats aren’t sat in, which I imagine keeps them very busy. I've even heard they have big pharma on their side.  

DAVID TROOP

Jeremy Clarkson? 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Pharmaceutical companies. It's not just financial doping they are into. Allegedly. PGMOL are also complicit, of that I am sure. 

DAVID TROOP

How are you sure? 

Matthew Shott looks up, and wanders over to the bed, then sits down. He smirks.

MATTHEW SHOTT

Because I have all the evidence I need to be sure, David. 

Matthew reaches into a drawer, and removes a folder. 

DAVID TROOP

I need to ask. How did this all begin?

MATTHEW SHOTT

Yes, it’s been quite the journey. You see, it began with a foul throw in the autumn of 2017, incorrectly not given against Manchester City. That was the first time my suspicions were aroused. Was this just bad refereeing, or was there more to this? At first I dismissed it, but I could not remove that incident from my mind. It lingered, like a nasty smell, like an Old Trafford chicken dinner. I found it inconceivable the foul throw was not given, so I began to dig. I could scarcely believe what I found. This was big. And it went right to the top.

My investigation has taken me from London to Manchester, to the UAE, Singapore, Wetherby, and beyond. I’ve been chased by goons from a souk in Tangiers, been sued by billionaires, and blocked on Twitter by Manchester City’s official account. But I was determined to uncover the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Matthew turns to David. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

And now I have. 

He opens the folder, and slides a piece of paper across to David. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

That foul throw was deliberate, a test for the referee. Blow your whistle, and you can forget any more Premier Inn orgies, or unlimited sandwiches in the changing room. All the evidence you need, summarized neatly. With footnotes. 

David examines the sheet.

Camera close in on sheet, which David turns over after 5 seconds. In this shot we see he has very hairy hands. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Clear evidence of widespread cheating, going back to their formation in 2008, probably further. Referees on the UAE payroll. A 200-minute video of poor decisions against Arsenal and Liverpool, and favourable ones for Manchester City. UAE officials meeting with PGMOL, the UK government, the FA, and prominent ball boys. Convenient injuries over international breaks. A blind eye to aggressive touchline behaviour by Pep Guardiola. Spurious rumours about Liverpool players all being asthmatics emanating from an IP address in Beswick. Threats at boardroom level. Spiked drinks in meetings. Commemorative kits and noodle partners in Malaysia to boost fabricated revenue streams. It’s all there, and more. Look at the amount of injury time that City get when losing in those eight pie charts, which I have separated into home and away and also individual seasons since 2008, and tell me they are not bent. Go on, tell me. 

DAVID TROOP

Well… 

Matthew cuts him off. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Moonchester undefeated in mascot races for six years solid, despite having a huge alien head. That sound plausible? The guy has type 1 diabetes. Moonbeam invited to FSA award ceremonies, 56% home draws in cup competitions, 64% of opponents non-Premier league teams. Burton Albion in a semi-final. Fucking Burton Albion! You can even hear the microwave ping during one FA Cup draw on the One Show, Glenn Hoddle drew City out and got 3^rd degree burns. City players have kicked a ball away 97 times since Pep Guardiola’s 2nd season, receiving only one yellow card. You couldn’t make it up.Look, I could go on and on, but you get the idea, it’s all in the dossier. 

DAVID TROOP

Oh my. If just some of this got out. Especially the Moonchester stuff. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

All in good time. 

DAVID TROOP

So how do we bring them down?  

MATTHEW SHOTT

It will not be straightforward. You put yourself and your family at risk by speaking out. Their fanbase is paranoid, convinced there is an agenda to combat, when we all know only Arsenal fans have that particular problem to overcome. 

DAVID TROOP

So we start by dealing with them? 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Have you ever actually seen a City fan, David? Get real, or go home. No, they will be as easy to deal with as Spurs at home. It’s the state that we must worry about. That’s where the power lies. Sportswashing is like a tsunami. Clear the deckchairs away, it won’t make any difference. 

DAVID TROOP

Tell me about this dossier.  Is this the only copy? 

MATTHEW SHOTT

No, the full details are elsewhere, I must be cautious. It is safe. In a safe. Which is contained within another safe. Within is all the evidence required to bring Manchester City down, and to allow organic growth and DNA to prosper once more. 

DAVID TROOP

I need to know more. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Remember the Rodri hand ball at Everton? 

DAVID TROOP

How could I forget? 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Earlier this year I met a man, high up in the game, old school, at a secret location in Wavertree. We all know what happened live, we remember it. The blatant handball, Rodri picking it up, then running up field with the ball before placing it on the ground and launching a counter attack, as the referee signalled play on.
Well, the man I met, known only as Unicorn, told me that all footage of that incident has been doctored before being released back into the ether, to present a more innocent portrayal of events. The original footage is nowhere to be found, and those that have tried to release it have not been heard from again. The referee that night turned up to the next PGMOL meeting in an Aston Martin. 

Matthew turns to David. 

           MATTHEW SHOTT

So that is what we are up against. That is why we meet in a Travelodge under false names. That is why you are dressed as a club mascot. That is why I have not seen my family in six months. 

DAVID TROOP

I thought it was because she kicked you out and said never.. 

Matthew raises his voice and interjects. 

MATTHEW SHOTT 

I said, that is why I have not seen my family in six months. Because of the dossier. To protect them. And now I hear Pep Guardiola might be signing a new contract, with the option of an additional year. They’re laughing at us David. Mocking us. 

DAVID TROOP

Shit, I thought this may be his final year. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

You thought wrong. He’s never going to fuck off. Unless…. 

Matthew raises his eyebrow as he stares at David intensely. 

DAVID TROOP

So what now? 

MATTHEW SHOTT

We must move fast. They may be onto me. I know too much. But I need your help. 

DAVID TROOP

Go on. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Well… 

Matthew is gazing out of the window. The viewer sees his face tighten, and his eyes widen.

He speaks, matter of factly.  

MATTHEW SHOTT

You need to go. Now. 

DAVID TROOP

Why, what's happened?! 

There is a sense of panic in David’s voice. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

It seems their power knows no limits.

A long pause. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

I appear to have some visitors. And they're armed - with briefcases. 

DAVID TROOP

Well let's go then! 

MATTHEW SHOTT

No.

My days of running are over. 

Matthew turns to David once more, having previously turned away from him, unannounced. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Get out now, whilst you can. My journey is over. I'm so tired, David. So very tired. 

David walks over to Matthew, and grabs his arm, gently. 

DAVID TROOP

Come with me. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

No.

Details of the safe location will be sent to you this evening. You must carry on my work. The future of football, perhaps Western Civilization as we know it, depends on you.

I've also sent a strongly worded tweet, and tagged in PGMOL. 

Another pause. David does not move. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Go! 

David turns to Matthew. 

MATTHEW SHOTT

Good luck. I won’t forget you. I hope one day we meet again. And thank you for everything. History will remember you, as a warrior, a martyr, a seeker of truth, a pioneer for all that's fair, a defender of justice, and organic growth. And remember this.
If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine. 

David leaves the room.

Cut to Matthew looking out of the window. A single tear trickles down his cheek.

He whispers.

I did it for you Marie…

SERIES OF SHOTS #1

Gunnersaurus stood by a lift, frantically pressing the button.

Matthew Shoot looking anxiously at a folder of paperwork, before gazing once more out of the window, but whilst sat on the bed.

A close up of a car’s front left tyre as the car comes to a halt. The viewer then sees a pair of black shoes hit the ground, into a small puddle.

A shot of Manchester City fans drinking in a Manchester public house. The most enigmatic and attractive member of the group is Howard Hodgkin, and his friends hang off his every word. They are blissfully unaware of their club’s disgraceful and no doubt illegal activities. Scum.

Matthew opens the door, and as he sees who is stood before him, his face became ashen, as if he has seen a ghost. The camera shows his hand, and a Gauloises drops to the floor. 

Cheeky Beerstain

 Hello Matthew. At last we meet.

EXT. LOCATION #2 - DAY

A London street. People go about their daily business. Workmen are on a break by a van. A scream echoes from a nearby building. An attractive woman looks up, perturbed. 

And then silence. She continues walking, with a frown.

EXT. LOCATION #2 - DUSK

A dimly-lit alleyway at the rear of a hotel. A door opens slowly, and a steady stream of identically-dressed lawyers descend the steps and climb into a number of Land Rovers with blacked out windows. Cut to a driver, who looks in his rear-view mirror. One by one, they slowly drive away, and are lost in the chaos of a London rush hour. 

INT. LOCATION #2 - DUSK

Hotel room. 

A body lies behind a bed, only the hand visible to the viewer. And resting next to the hand - a bloody magician's hat. 

SERIES OF SHOTS #2

Abu Dhabi. A helicopter flies over the city. A man with evil eyes looks down over the metropolis and smiles weakly. 

The Etihad. A Manchester City executive gazes out over an empty pitch. A groundsman attends to the pitch. The executive is smoking a large cigar. 

Rio De Janeiro. It's carnival season, and a wiry man with the sniffles in full referee kit weaves anonymously through the crowds. A rosary bead is thrown around his neck by a joyous reveller.

London. Gunnersaurus running through the streets, barging people out of the way.
(think Trainspotting opening sequence merged with the video for Bittersweet Symphony)

Stockley Park. Another executive receives a brown envelope behind a tree from a shadowy figure in a trilby. There is a nod, but no words are exchanged. 

EXT. LOCATION #2 - DAY

The man dressed as a referee presses a buzzer.  

MAN ON BUZZER

Hello. 

REFEREE

Did you know that Big Ben is actually the name of the bell, and that the tourist attraction is actually called the Elizabeth Tower, renamed in 2012? 

A small delay. The man in black holds his breath.

There is a buzz, and the door unlocks. 

The man looks over his shoulder, then enters.  

The camera pulls away and up, above the building, around which the carnival continues in full flight. 

OPENING CREDITS

OPERATION EMPTY SEATS

Cast: (subject to acceptance)

Matthew Shott - Tom Cruise

David Troop - Eddie Redmayne

Cheeky Beerstain - Clive Owen

Howard Hodgkin – Brad Pitt

Hand model – Richard Keys

Land Rover driver – Daniel Craig

Man barged to ground in street by Gunnersaurus - James McAvoy

Rio De Janeiro revellers – Jedward

Referee - Martin Freeman

Man on buzzer – Paul Bettany

Call me City!

What We Have Been Up To This Week

https://ninetythreetwenty.com/9320-player/

Iconic Scorelines

Howard, Ste and Lloyd pick the most iconic City match for virtually every possible scoreline. No Stuart Pearce games, sadly.

Pep Contract Special

The one we have been waiting for. Howard, Lloyd and Ahsan react to the news of the Pep Guardiola contract extension. How it may affect the players, recruitment, and the future of City.

Blue Parenting

Ste, Ben, Ally and James talk fatherhood and City.

Coming Up:

The Friday Show

As always, a packed show, with Howard, Stefan and Ste, welcoming the return of proper football, talking Pep contract extensions, APT and previewing the big weekend match.

Opposition Fan

Howard is joined by Theo Delaney to talk all things Spurs, including crises, classic matches, hoodoo teams, and much more.

The Hub - Episode 18

Sam joins Bailey to discuss where Manchester City went wrong in their losing run, whether the problems are tactical, the solutions in the short-term, and if January is their only answer.

Next week 

All the usual stuff - reviews, previews, and more!

If you are not a subscriber to our player shows, then enjoy some free samples of what we are about. Every show we do will have a 15 minutes sample on Soundcloud, along with a full, free weekly Friday show, jam- packed with content. Give it a try!

https://soundcloud.com/9320pod/tracks